Helping others

I like to give my thoughts on helping others. Especially if you are trying to help someone that are emotional. This is how I like to approach things. Sure, I make mistakes sometimes and forget this. We all do! I know that if someone has a problem with me, this is how I want them to talk to me. Gently!

Opening Up

Today has been a nervous day for me. Sometimes there won't be any reason and I'll just be anxious all day. Other times I don't want to say what is making me nervous. Usually because I don't want to upset others or make them feel bad.

Awkward talk at church

We don't have a car, meaning my family and I. So we take the bus to places and haven't been able to go to our normal church in a very long time. We were able to borrow a car and make it this sunday ad got there early.

I hate plans.

This is a blog about making plans with friends, whether they are close or new ones.

Drunk on halloween

Hey, guys!  this is a rather happy post. I have a lot of blogs i want to write, which will be personal and maybe sad but not this one. I mostly feel like typing this one because I'm in a good mood. So here it is!

At first I was a bit nervous about halloween, mostly because everyone wanted me to stream. I havent streamed in a long time, i use to do them a lot with spencer. Now spencer is here along with kodi, and with our drinks! I rarely stream sober. Mostly because ill talk myself out of it. And when I drink, i dont care what others think of me. I want to be like that all the time. To not care what others think. So what if i embarrass myself? So what if I say something people hate? That shouldn't make me sad when someone dislikes what i do. When i drink, it doesn't matter.

I had a freakin' blast with spencer and Kodi. We joked a lot about perverted things and talked with others. It felt amazing. To not care what i say. I loved it! I want to slowly learn to keep this. To care less what other's think.

I also had some good conversation with my LoL chat which made me... feel... strong, loved, and confident. Thank you.

Convention Nerves

I haven't posted in awhile and it's because of the anime convention here in Utah. I have been so busy that I've been unable to post and my nerves are going mad. Especially this week, I took on too much work and not much time to get it done. However, the convention is tomorrow and my heart hurts. 

Opposite Day

All today I've been anxious. Well, I should say yesterday now that I look at the time. Just... every moment, I could feel my heart beat a little bit faster. 

Old friends

Everyone changes and grows. We learn to talk about things differently and grow from situations. People that have known us from when we were younger  might not recognize us now a days. How do I feel when I talk to people that knew when I was younger?

I want to cry.

I have a very hard time opening up to anyone. Unless you knew me when I had no walls. Which includes people that knew me when I was 16 or younger. After that age, I grew with walls that could never break. And I let only glimpses of people see. They could never see my thoughts, my opinions, or how much i cared. 

I don't like meeting new people.

This isn't like my normal posts, where I talk about SUBJECTS that bother me. This is a post how I feel currently. More like a blog. And the title refers to how I'm feeling currently. I will still talk about subjects and past events that have shaped me, but this is something I'm feeling right now. 

Update

As you can tell from my last blog that I was having a very hard time. But now, I feel better than ever. I feel more alive and have such a courage... that no one could break. They could try to kill me with their words, but I'd still float up into the sky. Let me explain how I've been. 

I need a break

Current Mood: Pathetic;
Hello! This isn't going to be a very positive blog post, I'm depressed. It feels like all the progress I've been making is gone and I took a mile backwards. I guess I wasn't able to handle it like I thought I could. 

Let's fight together!

Sorry, I would have posted this up on here earlier but have been having  a lot of trouble the past few days. 

Sleeping

Current Mood: tired
It always takes me at least an hour to fall asleep on normal days. I tend to over think what happened in the day or just think way too much. The only way I fall asleep is if I'm making up beautiful fantasy stories. However, when I'm worried about something, I'll be lucky if I fall asleep at all.

Being Judged, Trolled & Panic Attacks

Current Mood: Sad
Last night was one of the worst nights I've had in a long time. I didn't expect to be judged by someone that I always liked. Sure, we all judge people but when it's in a very negative way it hurts. The same thing for being trolled, when someone just wants to make you feel awful. Both of these will give me an instant panic attack. 

How I deal with Anxiety

We all have our own ways of dealing with the pain. Two of mine are through gaming and cosplay. I go through a short discussion about them both. 

Depression VS Anxiety

Most times, people have both but I don't have depression. Only have had friends suffering from it. So, this is my opinion from having a very severe case of Social Anxiety. What do you think is harder to manage?

Buying Alcohol -Panic Attack

Current Mood: Proud


Yesterday was a mixture of terror and accomplishments by having a panic attack and not letting it ruin my day. When I have a full blown attack, I feel as if my heart is going to jump out of my chest and explode, it's painful. While the rest of body, from fingers to toes, feels numb and light as if I'm a feather. The numbness and uncomfortable feelings makes me constantly move, thumping my leg to moving my hands constantly. Then we have the uncontrollable crying, where I can't hold it back no matter how much I want to. And I had one yesterday over buying beer and chicken. 

Silent Lover

Current Mood: Depressed


I am open to sharing my past and thoughts, but not trusting people. I keep them at a distance. I always have. Even best friends that I had when I was in junior high and elementary, I kept them afar. I don't know how to be close to people. 

Hosting

 Current Mood: Silly

Sleep overs and parties would seem to be easier at my place because that's a safe zone, right? However, I feel more stressed out when people are over. I worry so much about them having fun, I don't have any fun at all. Much rather be a guest than host something at my house. 

Trip to Arby's

Current Mood: Anxious;  

  -- On a scale of 1-10: 3.

I was excited for today, to get out of the house and do something. I rarely go outside, unless it's to take my dog out. Going to go hang out with Ron, we decide to grab something to eat at Arby's and I love the place. 

The Meaning behind the Name

Current Mood: Sleepy


I've gotten a lot of questions about where I got the name "TrappedKitten" and tons of jokes about it. I usually just make up random stories for fun. Sometimes involving saving kittens or being trapped by chains and handcuffs. I've had the name for over a year, maybe it's time to talk about the reasoning behind it.

Podcasts & Livestreams

Current Mood: Calm
All day my mind has been wrapped around a podcast I was suppose to do with my group of friends. It ended up getting canceled, and I'd be lieing if I said that I wasn't happy about it. Has nothing to do with the actual people, I love them and they have always been sweet to me. But knowing that it will be recorded and others will listen to it freaks me out. Stage fright.

Blogging with Social Phobia

Current Mood: Anxious; 
   on a scale of 1-10: 4.


I always feel awkward blogging and tend to delete a lot of blogs if I re-read them. I tend to worry about what other's will think of my thoughts and feelings; if they will understand. At first it feels wonderful to let it all out but after I hit the publish button is when I begin to get slightly panicky. Will they troll and make fun of me? Will they think I'm stupid for being a scaredy-cat? What if they hate who I am? What if they don't take me seriously? All these things eat away until I either force myself into distractions until I forget I even blogged or delete it. I rarely will keep up my blogs, but this time I will keep them here. For better or worse. 

What is Social Anxiety?

"Social anxiety is the fear of social situations and the interaction with other people that can automatically bring on feelings of self-consciousness, judgment, evaluation, and criticism. Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression. If a person usually becomes anxious in social situations, but seems fine when they are alone, then "social anxiety" may be the problem.