Blogging with Social Phobia

Current Mood: Anxious; 
   on a scale of 1-10: 4.


I always feel awkward blogging and tend to delete a lot of blogs if I re-read them. I tend to worry about what other's will think of my thoughts and feelings; if they will understand. At first it feels wonderful to let it all out but after I hit the publish button is when I begin to get slightly panicky. Will they troll and make fun of me? Will they think I'm stupid for being a scaredy-cat? What if they hate who I am? What if they don't take me seriously? All these things eat away until I either force myself into distractions until I forget I even blogged or delete it. I rarely will keep up my blogs, but this time I will keep them here. For better or worse. 



I wanted to blog about blogging right away because I'm nervous at this very moment. I'm scared to be so intimate with the whole internet world. Though, I strongly believe that I need to be open and share my flaws. I hope it will help me grow and learn to have deep relationships with more people. 


A lot of people think I'm very confident because of my cosplays or that I like to flirt. But everyone with anxiety has their comforts. Some of mine is making perverted jokes, it makes everything silly and not focused on anything deep. While cosplaying is a way of escaping who I am and becoming someone else; roleplay. 


I also play with things like bracelets or necklaces. It's comforting to fumble things in my hands. I tend to even rock back and forth in chairs, my mother teases me about this. I don't usually notice I'm doing this until someone comments on it. That's the same with tapping my legs. Like a bunny.  Whenever I have a panic attack, I tend to do all three. 


I get panic attacks very easily. Right now I'm on edge from blogging and sharing myself, though, I've been anxious all day today... sharing things makes me feel vulnerable. Anxiety Sufferers don't do vulnerable or get out of their comfort zones. So when I say that blogging is hard, I mean it. And most people will find that extremely silly or would make fun of me. Scared to blog, that's me. But I'm here doing it anyway. 


One step at a time. 




You can comment about my blog here or comment using formsprings. Just click this button:Answer Questions



If you have your own questions, feel free to ask me!