We don't have a car, meaning my family and I. So we take the bus to places and haven't been able to go to our normal church in a very long time. We were able to borrow a car and make it this sunday ad got there early.
We find some seats and a guy comes around to shake our hands and greet himself.
Him: "Do you go to school around here?"
Alex(my youngest brother): "Yeah."
Me: "Naw, I'm 22."
Mickel(my brother): "Not yet, I want to do programming, I'm 18."
He nods and then looks at me, a curious look on his face.
Him: "So you said you aren't in school yet, why?"
This is when I start getting super nervous. I would normally make up an excuse because I'm embarrassed to say the real reason why I'm not at school. I don't like telling people because they won't understand. However, I'm trying to work on being up front about my problems which is hard. I've been hiding it for years.
Me: "I suffer from social anxiety..." At this point he gives me a weird look: O.o "I get panic attacks very easily, every time I tried to work I would get one and couldn't finish." Now he refuses to look me in the eyes, looking at other people. He was looking for an escape. What I said made him uncomfortable and I could tell he didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Him: "Praying would help."
Me: "I do that every night." He continues to dart my eyes, nodding a lot.
Him: "Yeah.. I've only had one.. it's not fun..." He mumbles some trying to get away, making some steps away. "Well, I'm going to say hi to some other people now."
Situations like this is why I don't like to tell others. They either think there is no such thing as mental disorders (its all made up) or just don't understand. He was being so friendly until I told the truth. Don't ask a question if you don't want a truthful answer.
It made me feel very awkward all through church. Though.. the message in church today was "Facing Our Challenges with Confidence." How funny!
I just wanted to share this, because I know some people get offended when you don't tell them things. Like how I've hid my anxiety for years. Maybe this will help you understand. Not everyone is understanding and it's easier to just hide it from everyone. Don't be mad that someone hid something, be happy that they finally told you. That they are breaking out of their shell.
If you are still hiding, it's okay. It feels horrible when you see someone get uncomfortable when you talk about whatever you illness is. But you can be happy that you faced your problem. Try and face a problem every day, no matter how "small" it is. It will be okay if people don't accept you. I tell myself this every day.
It sounds like there was a potential negative outcome for you from the difficult and uncomfortable position you found yourself in yet you have come away from this with a great and honest/accepting mindset. You were able to accept that although the reaction from this man was not ideal you were okay at the end of this.
ReplyDeleteThat is wonderful to read! I am so happy that you were able to face a difficult challenge.
I hope this has given you a sense of self power =)