I want to cry.

I have a very hard time opening up to anyone. Unless you knew me when I had no walls. Which includes people that knew me when I was 16 or younger. After that age, I grew with walls that could never break. And I let only glimpses of people see. They could never see my thoughts, my opinions, or how much i cared. 



I love people. I care too much. I care so much it hurts. I'll never tell you how much I care, never. I don't want to get hurt, I don't want someone to take advantage of me again. You see... I'm not afraid to be honest or tell you anything. if you ask me. But no one ever does and so I never tell. That's why I tell  the world, because I can't tell individuals. That might seem cowardly to some. Even some with anxiety. Some can ONLY tell individuals and NEVER tell the world like in a blog. But to me.. it's easy to do this. I'm trying to be open, I want you to see that, everyone... and this is how I do it. Believe in me. I have no reason to lie. None. I only risk losing people. 


But, why do I want to cry? is it because I am sad? No. Because I'm learning every day, right now. Someone that I thought was SO DIFFERENT from me is the same. At least with one of the ways how we deal with anxiety and problems. It feels weird to have a conversation with someone now... and be so open and tell them everything. (without them asking) I don't do that now. You have to ask me. But it came pretty naturally. And I needed it. I needed that self assurance in myself .... that I wasn't alone. It's sad, because I feel like she is the only girl that understands me. But, i also havent given other girls the chance. It never seems to come natural, only forced. 


So I want to cry, because it gives me hope.. that i can do this. that i can make it. 


also, no proof reading and many typos. Deal with it.