Helping others

I like to give my thoughts on helping others. Especially if you are trying to help someone that are emotional. This is how I like to approach things. Sure, I make mistakes sometimes and forget this. We all do! I know that if someone has a problem with me, this is how I want them to talk to me. Gently!
'The way positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount.'
B. F. Skinner
'Your smile will give you a positive countenance that will make people feel comfortable around you.'
Les Brown
'If you are given a chance to be a role model, I think you should always take it because you can influence a person's life in a positive light, and that's what I want to do. That's what it's all about.'

"Constructive criticism is about finding something good and positive to soften the blow to the real critique of what really went on."
Paula Abdul
If you want to help someone do it in a positive way, never a negative way. Be constructive, not destructive. You give someone supportive advice. In my eyes that means:
1. Let them know you care.
2. Let them know what's wrong  gently. If you say everything they are doing wrong harshly, that's usually doing more harm than good. If you want them to improve themselves, they need to have support.
3. Give them ways to fix the problem. Suggest solutions. Try and avoid "You can't fix it this way. "You are doing it wrong." Instead try: "You could try it this way." "This is another way of doing it."

I see a lot of people harming others with the excuse that they are being brutally honest. Blunt in other words. Yes, it's good to be honest, but that shouldn't  be put negative. The problem with being blunt is that people can get defensive and then won't listen to your point. They can close down and just take it as you trying to put them down or being a troll.
If you are honest in a positve way, they will be more open to hearing what you have to say. To listen to your thoughts, opinions and feelings.

I'll give some examples.

Bad way: 
Alice: "Wow, you sound like a cry baby. Seriously, no one wants to hear you whine about everything. Stop being emo!"

Good way: 
Alice: "Hey, Sarah, you know we have been friends for awhile and I care. But lately you have been sounding very sad and it's depressing. I know you are hurting, but you need to think more positively. It's more alluring to hear someone be happy than talking about sad things a lot of the time. Why not try to think about happy memories? You could spend more time on goals and small things to accomplish!"

Bad way: 
Alice: "You look slutty! The guys are just going to think you are trashy! Put on some damn clothes, it's embarassing."

Good way: 
Alice: "You look very sexy, Sarah. Maybe a bit too sexy. Guys might think that they could take you home on the first date, if you want to a real date, leave some to imagination. How about you where this instead? It still shows how pretty you are but without it being too much, fits you perfectly!"

This is just a few examples but I think you get the point. Some like it blunt, I'm not one of those people.


Don't assume about other people. Don't make judgements without proof. If you think something is up with someone, ask them kindly. Don't just accuse someone without talking to them. Communicate your doubts in a positive manner, let the person explain their side. Most problems arise from miscommunication!

I know I've made judgments and been completely wrong. Sometimes I'll think someone is upset with me when they aren't at all. My most common mistake with people is thinking that they are trying to be rude. That they are just being mean. Most cases, they just said something wrong and didn't mean it that way. ^^;;