Sleeping

Current Mood: tired
It always takes me at least an hour to fall asleep on normal days. I tend to over think what happened in the day or just think way too much. The only way I fall asleep is if I'm making up beautiful fantasy stories. However, when I'm worried about something, I'll be lucky if I fall asleep at all.



When something bad happens or if I fight with someone, I can't fall asleep until it's resolved or I find a way to pretend it never happened. My anxiety makes me obsess on the fight, every word said and I can't stop thinking about it. I just can't. "Why did I word it that way?" "I should have explained it more calmly." "I can't believe they said something so mean!" "What if I did this way..." "What if I said this instead..." All these thoughts and more spin around in the back of my skull until I feel dizzy. 


Sometimes you can't solve the problem before bed, which means... I don't go to bed. I know others need time to cool off or relax, but my social phobia makes the more time spent on it the worse it is. The more time I'm thinking about the the fight, the harder it is. The more negative thoughts wrap and entangle me into a web of panic. 


Right now, even though I haven't slept, I'm okay with the situation. I've accepted that I can't change people, what they think or what was said. That I need to move on. For myself. 


Also, lack of sleep is actually really good for my anxiety or anyone's. I'm not saying, never sleep again! However, when I'm worried about something the next day, let's say a meetup. I won't sleep. Because when you are tired, you are too tired to feel anxious. Your mind is exhausted. When I was taking pills for my panic attacks, they made me sleepy and out of it. Like when you don't rest all night or when you drink to the point that you want to pass out. The pills make you tired. Or that's how it works for me, which calms my mind. Isn't it weird how that works? 
The less I sleep, the less anxiety have. 
But that's not a healthy solution.